Always
by petals-to-fish
Summary: Severus should've caught himself, should've stopped himself from saying the words that made her green eyes stop shining only for him. Maybe, if he had appreciated her, those same green eyes wouldn't be shining for someone else.


**So this one was requested a while back, jily in Snape's POV...maybe I went too far...maybe I didn't go far enough?**

* * *

He said the words, so sharp and so clear, that they cut her like a knife and left a scar he'd never be able to patch up.

"I don't need help from filthy little _Mudbloods_ like her!"

Severus should've done more than beg for Lily's forgiveness outside the Gryffindor common room.

He should've done more than pass her ill-received notes.

Severus should've caught himself, should've stopped himself from saying the words that made her green eyes stop shining only for him.

Maybe, if he had appreciated her, those same green eyes wouldn't be shining for someone else.

 **XxX**

He thought it'd be over now, her fascination with Potter, but it didn't stop after a month. It didn't end in burning flames at their Hogsmede date when Severus watched Potter sneak a kiss under the mistletoe. It didn't even end when Potter punched Avery in the face and nearly punched Severus but Lily had merely kissed Potter's bloody forehead when she entered the Hospital Wing after the boys were dragged there for repairs by Professor Slughorn.

Severus _thought_ he hated her for loving Potter and his bully mates, but then Lily laughed and Severus was brought back to flowery fields and the last time she'd held _his_ hand the same way she held Potter's over the bedsheets..

Dark red hair covered the green ground like blood. The strands fanned out around her head as she stared at the bright blue sky. One of her hands was tucked under her head; the other one was tucked in the pocket of his robes. He was beside her, tracing his fingertips across the hollow of her collarbone with one hand, the other hand holding up a book propped on his knee.

It was disgusting how much jealousy could seep through old wounds.

Severus ripped out his book and tried to study potions, tried to study anything, but the only thing he could study was the way she suddenly leaned up on her elbow and placed her lips against his neck. He could only memorize the way she touched him, so intimately, in a way she'd never touched anyone before.

Not even Severus.

Potter turned his cheek and brushed his lips against her ear. Lily's cheeks were flushed and Severus knew it had nothing to so with the sunshine beating down on the grassy field below the castle. Lily gave Potter a look that spoke more than a thousand words as his thumb brushed along her lower lip painstakingly slow.

Severus' stomach rolled as he watched James _fucking_ Potter touch Lily in ways that should've been kept behind a curtain...not in front of everyone studying on the shore of the great lake.

"Get a room." Severus shot across the turf.

All the Slytherins around Severus " _ohhhed_ " and clapped Severus in the back as both Gryffindor's let go of each other to glance at the tree where Severus had shouted from.

"How about _your_ room?" Potter suggested with a wicked turn of his mouth.

"James." Lily hit Potter's chest but her lips were curved up in a dreadful grin.

Severus welcomed Potter's glare because at least it meant he got under Potter's skin as much as Potter got under his. Severus did not welcome Lily's glare because it was like being put through hell again when Lily had told him she didn't want to live in a world where they were friends anymore. When Lily had told him everything he'd been stumbling instinctively towards since first joining Avery and Mulciber's group.

He was burning up under her glare and Severus didn't even _care_ since it was the only way to get Lily to even _glance_ his way.

If he stared long enough back her green eyes would shift and alter back into the eyes he had come to miss on Friday night study sessions. If he stared long enough her lips would thin and her eyes would narrow. Severus always turned before she spoke and ruined his impractical illusion that she might just smile at him.

 **XxX**

Lily walked into the classroom hand-in-hand with Potter and it was like goddamn catastrophe.

Potter was looking at Lily like he had never seen her before in her entire life, even though everyone knew his eyes hadn't left Lily since the pair met at eleven on the Hogwarts Express. Potter's eyes stayed locked on her face whenever she spoke and god, when Lily laughed, Potter's hands would wind up in her hair and he'd drink in her laugh like she was 1,000 year old wine.

What was worse, Lily looked at James like she hadn't hated his guts at twelve and put frogspawn in his pumpkin juice at thirteen. What was worse was that now, Lily looked at Potter like he had placed the fucking stars in the sky. Now, she looked at Potter like he had given her everything she had ever wanted, everything Severus could never give her.

Potter loved Lily and Lily loved him too, it was as plain as smiles on their faces.

It was unfair that Severus still cared for Lily when he was convincing his friends that he cared very little for the muggleborn witch. Lily and Potter would walk past the courtyard and the only reason Severus' friends thought he hated Lily was because of how much Severus hated James. The glares he sent their way could kill but the glares were always only ever for Potter.

Severus hated the way Potter tucked his fingers under her chin for a kiss and then broke away to tickle her endlessly until she screamed his name in between gasps of laughter. Severus hated the way Potter carried her around on his back in between classes. He hated the way Potter leaned into Lily's mouth as she whispered things into his ear at dinner. He hated when they both came into the Great Hall for breakfast early in the mornings, Potter sporting messier than ever hair and Lily sporting a sultry smile and rumpled clothes from the day before.

 **XxX**

Severus tried to avoid them.

Unfortunately for him, they were everywhere.

They were a biting reminder of everything that he could never have.

They were a painful memory he wished to repress.

Even when Severus stayed secluded in the potions classroom, Lily would appear to finish her potion and Potter was never far behind. They'd leave the potions classroom together right before curfew, fingers looped together behind Potter's back. Slughorn would come lock up the classroom and Severus would leave too. He'd pack up his bag slowly, shuffle his feet along the floor, but no matter how much time he wasted...Severus _always_ felt the tug in his hut when he spotted them in the corridor opposite the set of stairs to the main hallway.

They would _always_ leave fifteen minutes before curfew.

They would _always_ make it around the corner to the seated alcove but never any farther.

Potter's arms were _always_ around her neck.

Potter _always_ pressed Lily into the castle walls greedily.

And Lily? Severus didn't think she even minded that someone (like him) could come across her rendezvous with Potter in the darkness after curfew.

Her legs were _always_ busy against the dark fabric of Potter's trousers.

Her left foot was _always_ hooked at Potter's waist while her right dangled, toes stretching into a point as his teeth grazed her ear.

Lily's fingers were _always_ gripping the hair at the base of his skull, fingernails digging into Potter's skin sensually.

Severus was always resentful when Potter devoured her sweet sighs with his lips in a desperate attempt to keep her quiet. It was a fruitless attempt because the minute his lips left to devour the skin by her ear, she was back to her senseless melody that Severus would hear even long after he'd managed to pull his eyes from their entwined figures.

She'd found a boy she loved more than she'd ever loved Severus. She'd never look into Severus' eyes again with appreciation. She'd never take Severus' hand and guide him down to the lake for a picnic. She'd never do anything but be a prime example of perfection that someone like Severus deserved but could never have or hold. She would marry Potter and they'd have half blood babies who would eventually run around Hogwarts with has much life as Lily and strut around the classrooms with as much brains and brawn as Potter.

Despite this, whenever he saw Lily with Potter in the halls he would always think, ' _that should've been us._ '

But it wasn't ever going to be Severus and Lily.

It was _always_ going to be James and Lily.

* * *

 **I ship Severus Snape and Eternal Misery**

 **all my love,**

 **Petals**

 **ps MAL PLEASE NOTE THE TAGS**


End file.
